My lips part as I take a deep breath.
My eyes softly flutter closed.
Warm, fresh tears trickle down my face,
for a reason everyone knows.
My heart shattered into millions of pieces.
My soul violently ripped into two.
This growing feeling inside scares me,
as I am sure it would do to you.
Consuming my being in hunger,
my flames die, I wither, I fall.
Shot down from rising to glory,
all I can do now is crawl.
They point, they laugh, they joy,
at my bleeding and dying soul.
I break, I crack, I suffer,
all I desire is to be whole.
A question peers through the dark pain;
why is this hurting me so?
Startled, I contemplate for ages,
for, the truth is, I don’t know.
Why do I allow all these demons,
purely ignorant, shallow and vain,
to take away all my spirit,
as I willingly hang my head in shame?
Who are they to place my name,
when I can’t even place it myself.
My being is not my beauty,
as my worth is not my wealth.
So, the demons, once my pain,
evolved into my greatest teachers.
I was looking for a way to be whole,
when I never truly had anything to seek for.
Our being eternally resides within us,
endlessly wielding our mighty sword.
The power lives inside us,
if we don’t allow anyone to steal our words.
We permit others to strip us of our words and of our value in a single moment when we have the slightest doubts of who we are. Maybe involuntarily, but we give in to the fight because we are terrified of insularity. Possibly, if we allow someone else to name who we are we save ourselves the struggle of discovering our true self. However, we grant others the power to become our puppet masters. You willingly put the strings in their hands. This may be staying in an abusive relationship, being bullied at school or online, social ridicule or discrimination, or even becoming embarrassed when someone laughs at you for a mistake you made. By letting others define who you are is like giving your opponent your sword in a fencing match. YOU let them win. Now, remember not to blame yourself for this. You are not weak, puny, or pathetic. You are simply afraid, as anyone else would be. You may think, “Well I deserve this,” or “They are right,” but how do you determine this? By mistakes you made in the past? By being different? By just being you? My parents always told me, “make as many mistakes as you want and need, as long as you learn from them.” If any guilt resides in your heart then it is conspicuous that you have gained and retained something from it. Don’t regard yourself with disparage because of it, admire yourself for getting through it. Yes, your experience may be embarrassing, but that discomposure tells more than you know. If you had no regrets and would make the mistake all again that means you gained squat from it! You can say that it is healthy to have some perturbation around it to a certain extent. This can also be your downfall if you let your feeling of culpability consume you. A dispirited outlook will leave you vulnerable to others. Where you need support you will receive a tyrant instead. Some people are just perched on the ready to manipulate and control others. These people are insecure about who they are so they feel as if given the opportunity govern someone else it will supply them with superiority and confidence. They can only accomplish this if you let them. Some may not even try to rule you, but do it inadvertently. This is your mind playing tricks on you. If you trip and fall in front of someone and they chuckle you may believe they think you are a klutz and gawky, when really they just thought it was funny. They are not laughing at your pain, they are laughing with you. You preserve the choice to take it personally and feel hurt or laugh about it as well. This time the power continues to rest in your hands. If you don’t let the little things haunt you then you will lead a much happier and fuller life. It is all about learning to laugh at yourself. Remember, attempting to read someones mind gets you no where. Actually it does, it results in feeling worse about yourself than you did prior. Unless it entails with you believing everyone thinks you are gorgeous of course! You know what, they probably do because you are. Plus, you are more likely to attract relationships if you don’t take yourself too seriously. I know I feel a world more comfortable around someone who can laugh at themselves when they have food stuck in their teeth or make goofy faces across the room at me. What fun comes out of being with someone that you feel you need to constantly walk on eggshells around? None! Let go and be loose, be you! Even if you have to go to a place alone and wiggle the strain out to do it, it is okay. Release your tension because others can feel it. Remember to breathe! Discover what your loosening technique is, make sure to have fun with it as well! Everyone is different and that is not something to be humiliated by. If you can be absolutely and unequivocally be you that should be something to be proud of. Homework for the week is uncovering your “let go dance” and relaxing into you. I would love to hear about your experience.