“Broken From Chains”
I’m falling…an endless descent.
My mind blanks with no sight of what will come next.
One instant breathing in pure life,
the next crumbling and breaking out of fright.
In a world of a perpetual masquerade,
where the only thing extant is deep shame.
How can one be expected to thrive,
when everyone living has already died?
Imparted one solitary choice,
to live isolated or without a voice.
All laboring to attain what they see,
only killing who they are supposed to be.
A crime so cruel and excruciating,
silently stealing and anguishing.
It possesses without one knowing,
cracking them from the inside without showing.
When it’s completed we peer into the mirror,
to see only pieces of a once beautiful human there.
We are broken, but continue to break,
mercilessly deceived that this is our fate.
So as I quietly fall, I am finally set free,
from the cage where the world has held me.
I wrench the lock from my fractured heart,
to find that that is what tore it apart.
A truth ignites in my soul,
awakening me from the enticing lull.
The bindings that around myself I wrapped,
are precisely what is holding me back.
I allowed the hypnosis in,
but truly it shall never help me win.
The mirror that haunts me shatters,
and no longer do I remain in tatters.
I scream, one held for thousands of years,
Now I know I am finally here.
I continue to fall at blinding speed,
No, I am falling I suddenly heed.
Into the light of my inner sun,
I let go of the chains and with myself become one.
By falling I realized the worst that comes from creating destiny,
is the utter grief of missing ages of being me.
We live in such a disorienting world. Everyone tells you to be exactly who you are, yet they try to alter and change you. Most live their lives behind a mask because we are told that is the only way to be acceptable in society. You have wrapped yourself so tightly in chains and ropes that they are actually suffocating and breaking the true you. You believe you are conducting a plan to create a better you, but you are tearing yourself down. I know I had and still occasionally have some difficulty basing my self worth on others opinions of me. Most of the time they were the thoughts I was telling myself they were thinking. My way of coping was to shut down and allow these destructive thoughts to ruminate ceaselessly in my mind, growing increasingly louder and stronger. Some become defensive and tumultuous, some get very passive aggressive, and others simply run away. The point is all of these reactions stem from a feeling of hurt or pain, and the only person who knows your weak points as well as their name is you. We formulate ideas in our heads every day about what others are thinking, when truly it is you blaming others for the way you feel. Ladies, imagine an attractive guy checking you out as you glide by (gracefully of course) and you are so absorbed in the fact that he is drinking you up that you accidentally bump into a street sign. Ouch! Physically it hurts like the dickens, but it doesn’t have to emotionally. You most likely are thinking “he thinks I am a total klutz and would never want to talk to me after that and I am so stupid and….” when really he is probably thinking, “Wow am I really that hot that a beautiful woman actually got distracted by me?” or “I wonder if she is okay? This would be the perfect chance to talk to her, she is gorgeous!”. We play cruel tricks on ourselves and project thoughts on others, when really they could be thinking nothing of the sort. So ladies, if that ever does occur, laugh it off and make a joke out of it! A world easier said than done, but still very doable. I know that if a cute guy walked into a street sign while checking me out, I would be giddy because I just got an inadvertent compliment about my appearance, major confidence booster, and I would be even more attracted to him if he was able to shake it off. Don’t sweat the small stuff!
I recently threw a party and I realized about 3/4ths of the way through that I was extremely tense because I was letting the foreboding of not pleasing or not meeting a certain standard consume me. I finally grasped that the people that I need and want to be around are the ones that I will please by simply being me. Have you noticed in a social situation when you are constantly attempting to reach an expectation of someone, you persist to feel increasingly ashamed of yourself. The fact of the matter is, this bar you must meet is unachievable and it has been set by you. Unless someone tells you that any way you act other than the way they want you to is unacceptable, then all these standards are in your head. I have discovered over the past few years that people genuinely are more drawn to you when you let your guard down and be authentically yourself. Who we are is undeniable and no matter how ardently you try to change it, it will continue to reside with you. You can hide it under immense amounts of charades, but your core remains the same. We would save ourselves ample amounts of pain if we try to find ourselves instead of attempting to change ourselves. Our soul is like a bone, we can break it incessantly, but it will continue to heal no matter how hard you try. Why fracture your bone when you can spend that time strengthening it? Us humans do ludicrous things to ourselves. We can be deceitful, cruel, merciless, sordid, and vile. We have this incredible power and will that we constantly abuse. We forget that suffering doesn’t make us valiant and cogent; finding and accepting who we are is what makes us courageous. You don’t better yourself by whipping yourself every time you make a mistake or don’t achieve perfection. You better yourself by having the bravery to be vulnerable and discover who you really are. Don’t be afraid of not making others happy, be afraid of not making yourself happy. Also, next time you walk into a pole in front of someone you are attracted to, remember to laugh about it!